WARNING: This post is an explosion of emotive opinion and expletives. If the expression of raw anger is upsetting to you or you have repressed your upset by concealing it with preconceived beliefs about people who express strong emotion, caution is advised.
What the fuck am I doing, now?
I’ll tell ya.
I’m leaning back against the side of my dark, cold van drowning out what’$ out there with Metallica (The Day That Never Comes) but, the sunshine never comes, no the sunshine never come.
Other word I hear is that my telling through writing is so visceral, it is perceived too outrageous to be real. My experience as I describe it in writing suggests I might be “delusional” –was the adjective used–the tirades of someone paranoid and irrational. In short–a whack job.
I find it curious that, again, the style and subject of my writing leads some –not all or most just sone– people to be certain about what they perceive as my having a disturbed mind. There is for reasons I could not know because I can’t be anyone else something about the intensity and forcefulness of either conveyed emotion or impressions created in detail that push others over the edge when they read my stuff.
So, I have some thoughts in response.
That will now and always need to stay their problem because not only do I not give a fuck that the manner of writing I use to describe my thoughts bothers people, there isn’t fucking much I can really fucking do about that, unless somehow I could radically change how I process my experience cognitively, never mind it is what I’ve been doing for the entire 47 forsaken years of my fucking life.
And I’m not dumbing it down for you, either. Why not just try asking for clarification or maybe give your mind a stretch and consider the possibility that just because you believe it doesn’t make it true and what you feel, princess–that ain’t fact.
Fucking amazing but true.
So, hey the fuck what?
i have a message to you, the one who does this:
If you are upset or worse, concerned after reading anything I write do us both the favor of not putting us both through your fucking presumptuous trauma.
Because in my interpretation of what is actually got ng on, is that you got a tfuck load of projection streaming my direction. So stop projecting your fucked up movies on my writing or me.
Get a fucking therapist and exorcise what demons you have and fuck you very much for being a self involved arrogant fuckfard. You are welcome to hate what I write, what I write about and the one writing, but reserve your armchair analysis of my psychological integrity for yourself.
Straight up. Just WHO the fuck do you think you are to dump your frame of mind on anyone else? When was it announced that what you find concerning, distressing, disturbing, or every other psychic pain you perceive as the universal fucking standard of mental health, reality or veracity and authenticity of another person’s expression of thought?
Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Go fuck yourself and your pompous assumptions about what YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE.
Hate your own failings not the mirror that reflects back what you CAN’T UNDERSTAND. That, my friend, is what is called a limitation–YOUR limitation.
Try working on the that instead and you might actually evolve as a person.
Good luck and go read something within your range of ability that doesn’t upset you too much.
I will NEVER so much as humor any one who comes at me with that fucked up bullshit. What I have for that arrogant mindset is one thing only: absolute contempt.
How do you like me *now*? Intense enough for you?
I hope and I mean I really, really hope, my intended amplification of emotion hemorrhaged all the bloody way through for your personal edification. That’s right.
Just for fucking you.
God fucking help us all.
There. You see?
A genuine expression of anger and no one died. In fact, maybe less people would be dying if we, as a society, could honor what we feel by giving it voice and then letting it pass like the weather it is instead of being terrified to be associated with an essential part of what we are. Because that is what anger become fury. That is what makes sadness despair.
It is possible to experience every emotion and recognize it for what it is: changing winds on the mindscape that are only as important as they are indicators of our overall climate.
All that Intense shit just gets shaken off like bugs in your hair.
Voila. Magic. No restraints required.