Courtesy Notice: The content of this post is essentially much whining and sulking and voicing how I feel. It is obviously not productive. I would be an idiot not to be aware of this, so, please save the patronizing pep talks and platitudes. I might choke to death if I get one more well meant condescending opinion rammed down my throat. No offense.
The job/housing opportunity I had lined up fell through at the 11th hour. So, I cant make rent on the Shed and have to find a place for what is left of my things.
I had to part with more than half and all my furniture had to go. I also had to rehone my birds because after tonight, I’ll be living from my van, which is too cold for them. Its too cold for me, too, but I can survive whereas they couldn’t. I won’t be happy about it, but, this is what it is.
My internet access will be sporadic depending on where I can find it and if I have access to electricity. The scary part for me is being by myself and not having a safe place to park and sleep. The lock is broken on the driver side door.
I can deal with the myriad of hassles during the day, but I don’t do so well when it gets dark.
My sleep is so fucked off from stress, I think I might go bat shit crazy if I don’t hang myself, first, because this is bullshit.
Seriously. I did not sign up for this and I’m done with listening to arguments about how this will pass. It isn’t passing. I’m beginning to believe this is the end game for me. If so, I’m preserving what dignity I have remaining and determining the how and when I exit stage left.
What I am not going to do is linger in this state until I become as pathetic on the inside as life seems on the outside. Really.
God hates me. i’m sure for very good reasons.
So it goes.