I Figured it Out

It took me awhile, but I identified the problem that has created the messy places in my life. To be terse, that problem can be summarized in 8 letters: I am a fool.

A fool, as I understand it to mean, is someone who does not exercise the wisdom that similarly situated people are assumed to have. It isn’t a reasonable lack of wisdom or knowledge that amounts to an understandable ignorance and it also isn’t the willful ignorance often intentionally cultivated to rationalize lazy or evil behaviors.

Foolish acts and foolish beliefs are the product of an irrational trust in one’s own magical thinking. The more complex the thinking, the greater the fool. At least, this is likely true in my own case. Living in one’s head, as I do, creates a vulnerability to believing the nonsense generated by an unexamined thread of internal logic. The Committee established in my head argues ceaselessly among themselves and to escape the incessant chatter, the tiny part of me I identify as self abandons reality for the less noxious realm of fantasy and its’ required system of belief.

I am pretty sure I was expected to outgrow this stage of development somewhere around being 10 or 11 years old. That makes me late by more than three decades. You would think someone might of noticed this by now. Right?

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